My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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