i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
