standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
