So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
