LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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