Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
