i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
