I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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