Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
