I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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