I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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