Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
