He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
