he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
