i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
