If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
