after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
