its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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