you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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