Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
