I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
