We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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