Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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