Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
