the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
