the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
