Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
