I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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