What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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