so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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