i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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