I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
