you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
