no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
