I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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