yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize