babies were throwing up all over the place
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
