hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
