You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my poor anus
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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