Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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