let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
