It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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