Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's blow job season.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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