The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
