No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
