i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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