I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
