How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
