If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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