It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
