whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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