it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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