My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
