Hey man sorry I got all grabby
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
