if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
