I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You dont lie about slip and slides
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
