I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
