HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
