he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
