all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
