i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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