I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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