Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
