Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm getting married
To pizza
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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