So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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