woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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