Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
