2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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