i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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