We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
