I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
