Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
